you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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