you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
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Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
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