Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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