I wannas sexs uuuuu
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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