the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
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apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
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I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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