sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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