In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Quick, to the slutcave!
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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