Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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