sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
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