i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
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