White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize