hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
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