Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize