clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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