Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(206): View more from Washington

I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.

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(206): I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work. http://tfl.nu/jzpk

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(727): View more from Florida

she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?

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(727): she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no? http://tfl.nu/lc3u

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.

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(617): i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good. http://tfl.nu/gykq

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(914): View more from New York

Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong

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(914): Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong http://tfl.nu/jy3c

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(620): View more from Kansas

my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts

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(620): my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts http://tfl.nu/naa2

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(+46): View more from Sweden

being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad

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(+46): being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad http://tfl.nu/w2cq

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(816): View more from Missouri

Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."

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(816): Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid." http://tfl.nu/chp6

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.

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(920): Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling. http://tfl.nu/jjpj

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(313): View more from Michigan

So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.

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(313): So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk. http://tfl.nu/79dj

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(229): View more from Georgia

It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.

(904): View more from Florida

Keeping it classy as usual I see

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(229): It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back. (904): Keeping it classy as usual I see http://tfl.nu/9n6z

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(203): View more from Connecticut

Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.

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(203): Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend. http://tfl.nu/ouub

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(301): View more from Maryland

Sex on roller skates

(202): View more from Washington, DC

Floating mattress

(301): View more from Maryland

Tie

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(301): Sex on roller skates (202): Floating mattress (301): Tie http://tfl.nu/1xsm

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(317): View more from Indiana

The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone

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(317): The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone http://tfl.nu/xbvo

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.

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(403): I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave. http://tfl.nu/rhln

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(612): View more from Minnesota

Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something

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(612): Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something http://tfl.nu/w0o2

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