There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
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i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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