At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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