well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Please, let me fuck your mom
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
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btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
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Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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