I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
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I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
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he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize