Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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