8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
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His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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