My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize