So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
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My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
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After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
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