How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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