Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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