Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
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Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Drunk is a universal language darling
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