TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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