i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
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she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
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