yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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