So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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