Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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