I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
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The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
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I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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