He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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