I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
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Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
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There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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