The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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