do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
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I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
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"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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