Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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