I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
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She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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