i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
My dick has a subreddit
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize