Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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