TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize