getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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