My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize