my phone needs a breathalizer
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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