Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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