I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
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Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
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Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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