i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
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Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
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After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
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