They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
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