By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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