shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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